Last week, I wrote a blog post on the recent story about Tyler Clementi and other cases of bullying and cyber-bullying that have resulted in victims committing suicide. This blog was retweeted and posted on Facebook pages by friends and colleagues, generating some very provocative discussion over the weekend. My mind was reeling with all of the thoughts and questions evoked by these conversations, so I thought I would share them in this follow up blog.
Crime & Punishment
People’s responses to the case and the issue of what should happen to the perpetrators of bullying varied considerably including the following responses:
- Someone thought that the perpetrators in the Tyler Clementi case should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law;
- Someone else thought that the students who allegedly posted the secret footage of Tyler should not be stigmatized for the rest of their lives by what was seemingly a thoughtless, albeit mean, prank with unforeseeable and unintentional outcomes, that they deserved a chance for redemption; and
- Someone even went a step further to posit that we had to accept bullying because it was a part of the natural order of human socialization, and in fact, in its verbal form was more desirable than the alternative – physical violence.
I struggle around the thought of what is the appropriate punishment in these situations. I hope that people who make mistakes in their youth have the opportunity to find redemption. After all, isn’t that part of the process of growing up? I talked last week about the importance of humanity. Perhaps the hardest part about humanity is that it is not a one-way virtue. I don’t believe for a second that the young man and woman who allegedly posted that video expected that their prank would lead to Tyler’s death. But the problem is that too often people don’t think about the consequences of their actions – intended or otherwise. To me, redemption is the goal, but it is impossible without responsibility and remorse. So I ask myself: What does justice look like within this frame of humanity? I don’t have a clue. Next question.
The Gender Question
If the case of Tyler Clementi was an isolated incident, we could conceivably chalk it up to a bad confluence of circumstances leading to a tragic outcome. But this is not the case. It has now been reported that Tyler Clementi is one of as many as NINE young men (ages 13-19) who committed suicide in the month of September as a result of anti-gay bullying! That isn’t even addressing other potential cases of (non-gay related) “bullycides.” There is DEFINITELY, something going on that needs our attention!
But it doesn’t escape me that all of these cases have been of young men. So, my other nagging question is: Is there a gender component to this that we are missing? All of the anti-gay bullying victims reported have been male. But we know that young LGBTQ women have been victimized by anti-gay bullying as well. We also have an equally long list of young women who have taken their own lives as a result of bullying – but often without explanation of the nature of the bullying. So I have to ask: How are our young women coping with anti-gay bullying? And for those young women that resort to suicide, that are the factors and issues of their bullying that lead THEM to this most extreme action?
What Now?
So many questions still remain, not the least of which is: So what now? How do we move forward in finding some justice in these tragedies? And how do we learn from them to combat these incidences in the future, for our LGBTQ kids (both the boys and the girls), who are at increased risk for bullying and suicide, and indeed for ALL of our more vulnerable children?
We want to hear from you!
What do you think are the appropriate consequences for youth who are perpetrators of bullying, especially when it leads to the suicide of the victim?
Should anti-gay bullying be treated differently than regular bullying? Should they be treated as hate crimes?
What role is gender playing in this phenomenon of bullying? Anti-gay bullying?
And what is the responsibility of parents, teachers/school administrators and law enforcement to intervene in the cases where bullying is reported?
Let me know what YOU think on one or all of these questions!
Nicole Cozier is a philanthropic education officer at The Women’s Foundation.
Photo Credit: The New York Times
Image Credit: The It Gets Better Project, a YouTube channel where LGBTQ adults upload videos for gay teens to let them know their futures can still be bright.
