My heart broke as I read about the story of Tyler Clementi this week, a freshman at Rutgers University who committed suicide after his roommate reportedly taped him in a sexual act with another man and broadcast the video live on the internet.
I can only imagine the isolation and helplessness he must have felt being “outted” in such a public and callous way, when clearly he was still struggling with his sexuality himself. But Tyler is not an isolated case. There are SO many victims of bullying whose stories never make it to the news. So, for every young person that has felt so powerless and without options that they believed the only way out was taking their own life, my heart breaks again and again.
And I can’t help but wonder what the heck is going on.
As I step back for a moment, I am amazed at the technological advancement even in my life time. I remember sitting with my dad as a kid, using a ruler to stay on track as I read off different combinations of 0s and 1s that he programmed into our clunky DOS home computer. Now, I can barely harness the power and capability of my laptop. And who would believe that the cell phone, which has become a virtual umbilical cord to so many of us (definitely for me), only emerged in the last 25 years! It is unbelievable how much the world has changed with this technology – how accessible and open it can seem with the right equipment. The shadow side of this is that humanity has not come nearly as far, and these invaluable tools can easily become weapons.
Bullying is by no means a new phenomenon. But, for too many, this technological boom has just enhanced the ability to humiliate, demean, and degrade each other. We can now do it better, faster and make the impact more far-reaching. With a simple mouse click – before there is time to even contemplate the consequences of one’s actions – information is irrevocably sent into the cyber universe or cellular network, changing lives in ways we could not even have fathomed. Ahh, the wonders of technology.
I honestly don’t know what to make of this paradox that we live in. Or of the persistent news of bullying, harassment and the loss of these young lives before they even really began – a phenomenon that is creating new language like cyber-bullying and bullycide. I am outraged at the intolerance that still abounds – homophobia, and just general fear and rejection of anyone “different.” All of this access to information, yet we still live in such ignorance so much of the time.
And I am humbled by the fragility of life and the sense of self that fuels it.
I know that there is a light…because I am not the only one that is outraged and heart-sick, and for that I am hopeful. But for Tyler’s family, and all of those families that have lost children, this is of little consolation. So for today, I think it is important to be heart-sick and outraged.
To Tyler, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Carl Walker-Hoover (all victims of anti-gay bullying), Kimberly Linczeski, Phoebe Prince, Maria Herrera, and all of the other young people who believed that the only reprieve from the bullying they endured came from leaving this life…
And to all of those kids who still endure their bullies in silence or isolation…
I am sorry we failed you. We owed you more. We owe each other more.
Really, all we have is our humanity. Let’s not lose sight of that in the blinding glare of our gadgetry and “advancement.”
Nicole Cozier is the philanthropic education officer at Washington Area Women’s Foundation.
