The "Mommy Wars," as they’re known, are heating up again, but there are key players missing from the field, it would seem.
According to a recent article in the San Fancisco Chronicle by Maya Rupert, "The working wounded: Most women don’t have a choice to stay home with kids," it’s time to reframe the way we talk about women, work, motherhood and what the "choice" between family and work really means–and to rethink who is part of this discussion.
Of note, Rupert writes, "For low-income mothers, summer brings a different set of challenges: finding a new means of child care now that the days aren’t filled with classroom instruction. There often is no money for vacations, and certainly not for the sizable registration fees required at the various day camps. But these concerns aren’t part of the parenting debates — and of the Mommy Wars in particular…The result is an explicit and inexplicable rejection of the view that class should matter in discussing the expectation of mothers to stay home. In essence, it’s an onslaught of negative third-wave feminism, which assumes everyone has the financial security to make a choice and tells low-income and poor mothers that this doesn’t concern them."
And, Rupert reminds us, by including these voices–since really, when it comes to child care, health insurance and the other issues that stand out as challenges for working parents–male and female–we’re likely to be forced to think of ways that are really better for all women, men and children, across income brackets.
She writes, "The Mommy Wars can be won when we redefine victory…This will require us to rethink what it means to be a good mother. The concession that good motherhood requires an abundance of time to spend at home with children overemphasizes quantity over quality and presents an incredibly simplistic view of motherhood, one that stacks the deck against lower-income moms. Additionally, it will require us to abandon the very premise of the discussion, which is that child rearing is naturally the domain of women. We need to rethink fatherhood and seriously question why we still expect mothers to take responsibility for the bulk of child care."
As discussed last week, women are being forced to make impossible choices, ones that serve no one–not them, not their children, not their families, not our communities.
This piece, and the concepts within, are a great reminder of the importance of looking at issues that impact women and our communities through the voices and perspectives of all involved and affected, and of including the voices of those who may be the least likely to be heard by doing the hard work of seeking them out and raising them up.
